Today I went to the convenience store in the morning to buy something to eat for breakfast***. I bought a package of Inari Sushi and took it to work. When I opened the bag at work, I was shocked to discover that instead of a pair of chopsticks, the convenience store person had given me a plastic fork and knife. Come on. Nobody in any country eats sushi with a fork.My home country has thousands of Asian people and thousands of Asians who were born and raised there. Most people understand the concept that a “Canadian” person doesn’t have a particular look and can come from any country in the world. Japan doesn’t have loads of Japan-born foreign people and it’s not easy to become a Japanese citizen, so they have more of an us/them view of non-Japanese people. That's what I had to keep reminding myself this morning.
At first, I felt insulted when I saw the fork, but then I drank a coffee and started to smile about it. In Canada, if an Asian person went to a steakhouse or a hamburger restaurant and was given a pair of chopsticks to eat it with, you could say it was insulting and even racist. Japan isn’t the same, though. In fact, the convenience store guy was probably just trying to be thoughtful. (It was stupid, but it was a gesture that was meant to be helpful)
I’m not Japanese and I don’t look Japanese. That’s obvious. I also don’t have a Japanese passport and wasn’t born in Japan. I’m not Japanese and don’t want to be Japanese. But I never expected that someone would ever hand me a fork to eat sushi with. I guess the point of this post is that I want to know what you “Japan lifers” think about this. (“This” being the fact that no matter how long you live in Japan, you’ll never be considered Japanese by the majority of Japanese people)
I would think it would be tiring to be a “Japanese lifer”. You live in Japan for 30 years, barely have an accent when speaking Japanese, are fully literate in Japanese, have maybe a Japanese wife/husband and children and still have to deal with the occasional person assuming you can’t use chopsticks. I don’t know because as far as I know, I’m not here for life. Please let me know what you think about this.
***The reason I was eating convenience store food for breakfast instead of making my own food at home is because I have had to stay at my friend’s houses for the past week. My roommate Yukiko is officially crazy and has been evicted by the landlady. Yukiko has until the end of the month to live in the apartment and my landlady suggested that I stay somewhere else in the week before she goes.
I’m lucky that my landlady recognized the craziness and I’m glad I don’t have to move to get away from Yukiko. Thanks to all the people who wished me good luck with this roommate situation. In 3 days, it will finally be finished and Yukiko will be gone.
16 comments:
I think if we had an issue with knowing we were never going to be seen as Japanese... we wouldn't be here.
I wish you'd embrace the fact that you are part of a 2% minority and will always be such while you are in Japan.
Smile and remember that every Japanese person in this country is jealous of what makes you different, despite their sometimes blatant (and usually unintentional) racism.
I haven’t told you the scariest parts of the story, but Yukiko is a sick person. She is paranoid and fixated on me for some reason. I used to get 3-6 vicious and mean emails from her daily at random hours of the night/morning and all throughout the day. I used to wake up at 3 AM to her kicking my door for no reason. She used to hear me leaving the house for work in the morning and come out to scream scary things at me and kick the wall. She only calls me “お前” and sent emails to my other roommate describing me in such hideously racist terms that I didn’t even know the meaning of the words until I looked them up in the dictionary. I already told you that she threw textbooks at me.
My hands were shaking every day when I heard Yukiko come home. I was scared to listen to my music or go to the washroom or even unlock my door. My nice roommate and I talked to the landlady and after reading all the emails, she decided that Yukiko was sick. I feel sorry for her, but I can’t do anything about it. If she were only just sad / depressed, I might be able to invite her out with my friends and cheer her up. She’s not, though. She is a mentally ill person. I just want her gone out of our house. I can’t wait until the end of the month when I can live in my own house again.
Thanks for the comment.
I know that I'm not Japanese and will never be seen as Japanese. My question was for the people who really are Japanese (on their passports, etc) foreign-born people with permanent jobs and Japanese-born children.
I'm fine with being seen as different. But come on. Even back home, if someone gave me a fork to eat sushi with, I'd wonder what on earth they were thinking.
If you can't use chopsticks, you probably don't like eating sushi. Nobody in any country eats sushi with a fork. Ha.
Why do you think that Japanese people are "jealous of what makes you different"? Just wondering, because I really don't think so.
Because they all look the same.
They have to invent all these petty fashion traits, personality gimmicks, clashing tastes just to differentiate themselves from each other.
This becomes specially unbearable when you live all so close together. Do you not notice that your most simple friends have quite alot of space around them ?
Maybe there's some jealousy (is that the right word??) from some Japanese people because you are innately different , and don't have to try hard at all to stand out...
Many people here do dye their hair unnatural colors as far as natural Japanese hair colors go, wear colored eye contacts, get eyelid surgery etc. etc. These fashions definitely lean towards Western ideas of beauty. I think a lot of girls here idealize the looks of Western women, unfortunately.
As for men, I don't know if Japanese guys are jealous of foreign men, but some of them must have noticed how easy it is for a "mediocre" looking foreign guy to pick up lots girls here (is that a mean thing to say? I'm sorry).
I wouldn't go as far as 'anonymous' to say EVERY Japanese person in this country is jealous of what makes you different. That seems a bit silly, I really don't think most people here are that naive.
But I guess it's a nice idea for those who just loooove being noticed in Japan.
I see what you mean about the knife and fork thing. I sometimes buy a big carton of milk from the convenience store and the clerk asks me if I want a straw! The first time this happened I was really surprised and I said "no" while wondering why she would ask that. This then got me thinking that maybe she has this image of foreigners drinking copious amounts. I asked some Japanese people if they get offered straws when they buy the large carton of milk. They said "no" and they laughed with a "what do you mean?!" face! This doesn't make me feel angry but just makes me laugh when it happens.
Your housemate sounds scary! Even though she will move out do you want to continue living there? If it were me, I would want to go somewhere where she could never find me - especially as she has some mental issues and doesn't think rationally.
How would you even accomplish eating sushi with a fork without destorying it? I serious struggle when I try to picture it, ha ha.
Really? I get comments all the time on how white and beautiful my skin is. People are jealous of how curly my hair is and how nice it must be. People always comment on my blue eyes and wish they had differently colored eyes. They comment on the bridge of my nose, my forehead, my boobs, my hourglass figure-- I've gotten it all from both Japanese women and men.
In a country where everybody has dark hair, dark eyes and golden (sometimes fair, but usually not) skin, everybody wants what you have. They're also super confused when I say that I'd rather look Japanese than Caucasian. They can't believe somebody WOULDN'T want all the things I have.
Hahaha! The straw for the carton of milk story made me laugh so hard!! Thanks for the awesome story! So funny.
It's very "Japanese" to give compliments about absolutely everything. I don't believe any compliments unless they're from my good friends. If you go to a tourist part of any city and say even the simplest word in Japanese, everyone will shower you with praise on how amazing your Japanese is. Girls always tell me they wish they were as tall as I am and they wish they had blue eyes. It's all flattery and it's just Japanese politeness.
Believe it if you want, but it's the same as how girls back home say, "Oh, look how fat I am. I wish I were skinny and beautiful like you." and the correct response is to say, "No wayyy, I'm such a cow, look at my thighs, I wish I had your perfectly clear skin." and on and on until one of the finally stops.
What you're supposed to do is say nice things back to them. Make a motion with your hand like a car windshield in front of your face and go "iieiieiieiieiieiiehh" and then tell them you wish you were as slim and small and stylish as they are, even if they aren't.
I don't like playing the flattery tennis match in any country. It's so boring it makes me want to die.
That's why my friends are usually guys, in any country. Guys don't usually have as many body complexes as women do, and their empty flattery ends when they figure out that they're never going to sleep with you and only going to be your friend.
I love girls, but not the ones who like to play Table Tennis of Insecurities with me. I don't want to play.
I think the overwhelming problem is provincialism, but whether the average Japanese is more guilty of it than the average American (using that as my reference) I couldn't tell you, especially now. I've been to both very accepting, cosmopolitan areas, and the exact opposite, in both nations. By and large, Americans seem to come across as the least accommodating, especially when it comes to matters of communication.
As for this being a jealousy issue... I can't tell you anything about that. People make comments to that regard ("Oh, you can do this sooo well!") but whether this gets outside of the typical social politeness (社交儀礼) I don't know.
I haven't read your blog in a very long time, but am glad to see you are getting on well still.
Trust me, they're definitely not jealous.
I'm slightly appalled at some of the comments, particularly about how Japanese people look the same and are envious of "white" beauty. While I do agree that the beauty ideal being perpetrated in the media slants more toward the western look, I don't think this means that the Japanese (or asians in general) dye their hair/wear colored contacts/etc to "look white". Rather, it's a form of self-expression and yes, to stand out or look different. But asians are not the only ones who do this. Are girls who use self-tanner trying to be black? The ones who dye their hair black...are they trying to be asian?! Of course not. It's absurd. But yet, the argument against asian will always be there, despite its logical fallacy.
Julie, I agree with you. Often times, Japanese people will say very flattering things out of politeness. Sometimes they mean it, sometimes they don't. It's best to take such compliments with a grain of salt.
Oh, and regarding your chopsticks incident, I think it's rather hilarious really. Just the idea of eating sushi with a fork and knife is so very comical. I can see why you would feel a little insulted, but I'm glad you were able to see the humor in it. When I lived in Japan, people would often express amazement that I knew how to use chopsticks. They would ooh and ahh at the canadian girl and her 'skill'. The kicker? I'm chinese.
"I guess the point of this post is that I want to know what you “Japan lifers” think about this. (“This” being the fact that no matter how long you live in Japan, you’ll never be considered Japanese by the majority of Japanese people)"
As a "UK-lifer"i totally agree with your point of view julie, as a hongkonger being in uk for so long (i even slowly forgot my scottish accent and became a yorkshire man)......and yet you still being look at differently, but without the over-polite culture of japanese...... things are just getting better huh?!
anyway, i'm not saying its people of the host country fault, but i could imagine they ll always have that "button" switch on once they see a foreign face, until they get to know you. i guess its the same everywhere else, just like everyone will pay attention to a shooting star right away 1st in the starry night sky~
however in my opinion i do have more faith in japanese culture than uk culture. i believe that most of them will see you equally once they get to know you. And thats the important part i guess.
(interestingly i just had this conversation with my native friend last week......and we came to a good guess that wherever there is a history of using different race of people to do slavery/ hard labour, then people in that area are more likely to "rank" themselves and think others are less signficant) what do u think?
wow I never knew they would do that, but as you said he was probably trying to be thoughtful. like when i went to poland and i ordered pizza they gave me a thing of ketchup with it, or people would ask me all the time randomly if i was from around there. no, i'm polish and japanese living in america. lol.
but i do have plans to go to japan in the future, haen't been there at all yet :[ family issues. but korea, going to study there soon :]
i liked reading this though. haha.
Julie, I agree with your thoughts on the convenience store guy just trying to be helpful by giving you a fork. Having lived there for a year myself, I knew a lot of foreigners who went there and didn't try to assimilate at all that sometimes Japanese people assume that you're one of them and by nature try to accomodate you.
You do look unique to them especially since you probably have curves and boobs that the average Japanese girl does not have.
@ Alexandre, being of Asian descent I have to say that your comment that "[they] all look the same" is actually quite racist, something I hope wasn't intentional. I hear it all the time and unfortunately people pay no attention to this when it comes to describing Asians. Sure we have ethnic features that we all share, but that is true of any ethnic or racial group. Yet, take black people for example who generally have darker skin tones, unique hair textures and facial features that you consider "black", but you never hear people say, "Oh they all look the same" now do you?" There are lots of groups that you could pigeon hole as "looking the same," but Asian people are the only ones you hear this of consistently of that no one objects to.
Anyways that was off on a tangent, but I applaud you Julie for your open mind and congrats on getting the roommate situation resolved.
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